Miscarriage can be very hard to bear. At any stage, for many parents, the term “miscarriage” doesn’t do justice to the depth of sorrow they feel at losing their baby. It is our hope that staff at the hospital respect and understand your feelings about your loss.
This is bound to be a difficult time for you, as you come to terms with what has happened. Unfortunately, it may take a few weeks for your body to recover. And while your body is going through all these changes, your emotions are bound to be in turmoil, too. You may find that your doctor focuses on the physical aspects of what has happened, he/she will probably discuss your medical history with you. Your doctor may talk to you about when to try again for a pregnancy, if you want to, and how to help your body recover. The pain of bereavement can leave you feeling isolated and alone. But you’ll be surprised how many other people, like you, have been through a loss. When you feel ready, it may help you to talk about your experience.
I can’t get over my miscarriage. Will I ever feel better?
Miscarriage is a tragedy that affects you, your partner, and loved ones in many ways. It can be hard to come to terms with what has happened. The truth is, whatever your circumstances, pregnancy loss can be devastating. It’s normal to grieve for your loss as you would for a close relative or friend. The process of grieving can affect your mind and body in different ways.
You may be feeling:
- Guilty. Remember that early miscarriage is common. It is very unlikely to have happened because of anything you did or didn’t do.
- Angry. Sometimes with those close to you or toward friends or other members of the family who are pregnant or who’ve had a baby.
- Overwhelming sorrow. It may seem that everything you had hoped for has been taken away at a stroke.
- Shocked and numb.
You may feel exhausted, yet unable to sleep. Your everyday routine may seem meaningless. You may lose your appetite, or find it hard to concentrate. Shock, grief, depression, fatigue, and a sense of failure are all understandable feelings. It may seem that everything you had hoped for has been taken away in one stroke. You may feel withdrawn and moody. If you have already told people about the pregnancy, you will probably dread having to tell them your hard news.
Sometimes, expressions of sympathy, instead of being a comfort, can be difficult to handle. Allow yourself to feel what you feel. Having a miscarriage is a devastating loss. Remember that you and your partner are not to blame. Miscarriage in the first trimester of pregnancy is a very common event. Try to talk to each other and give yourselves time to mourn. Even if you feel physically fine, you may find taking some time off work helpful. Everyone’s needs are different. Even when you think you have got over your miscarriage, you may be caught out by your emotions later on. You will probably find that the arrival of the date on which your baby was due, or the anniversary of the miscarriage bring up powerful emotions for you and your partner. It’s a perfectly natural reaction.
The good news is that this is unlikely. Having a miscarriage doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll have problems every time you try to have a baby. This may be true even if you’ve had three or more miscarriages in a row. Three out of every four women who’ve had an unexplained recurrent miscarriage go on to have a healthy baby, without needing special medical treatment. Unless your doctor tells you otherwise, your next pregnancy is likely to go smoothly.
Where can I find support?
When you feel able, try talking to other people. You will be surprised to find just how many stories of miscarriage you’ll hear from relatives, colleagues, and friends that you’d never known about. You may find that, in many cases, people never really get over it completely. Many bereaved parents continue to feel a bond with their lost baby and gain comfort from doing so rather than trying to “let go”. We are here to walk with you through your grief and loss. If you feel that you would like to walk through one of our healing journeys specifically designed for those suffering from a miscarriage …
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